Behind the Shadows...

teckie4lyfe @ 2008-05-13T13:06:00

2008-05-13T17:08:28Z

we registstered for gifts yesterday!!!!!! WooT!!!!!

It was very fun, and we picked out some cute things!!

Lindsay was adorable with her excitement for scanning things with the scan gun. :D

yay 4 more months!!

FYI: We're registered at Target and Bed Bath and Beyond. Which you can access both online. If anyone needs to.

FINALLY

2008-05-07T15:55:00Z

So...........

I got the apprenticeship!!

Last week I interviewed at the Performance Network Theatre in Ann Arbor, and I got it!! Even with the fact that I have to have 1 day off for the wedding shower, 3 days off for the wedding and like 8 or 9 days off for the honeymoon!!!!

Take that, Purple Rose. HMPH!

I'm way excited. It's like 250.00 a week, as opposed to 340.00 every OTHER week. It helps...it helps a LOT. My friend that works there says that the hours for the apprentices aren't horrible, that they actually give you time to go HOME and sleep. Maybe even see your spouse. What a concept!

I'm totally excited. They put me on my first show starting July 7th, (which is after the wedding shower) and it runs through the end of August (Which is before the wedding craziness!!) They did a SUPER job of working around my life events.

I'm totally excited...maybe things will finally start to feel like they're moving in the right direction, instead of in circles!!

Now.....If I could just buy my 80.00 mountain bike that I want, I'd be the happiest kid in the state, I'm sure!

teckie4lyfe @ 2008-04-24T12:16:00

2008-04-24T16:21:44Z

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a pair of WHITE men's dress shoes that Lindsay will LIKE for the wedding???

She wants shoes that look like this:

But those shoes are like, $63.00 and they're on a website that I've never heard of.

I can't find shoes like this ANYWHERE else. Dr. Martins has some I think....but they're hella expensive too.
Stupid white mens dress shoes....Grr....

teckie4lyfe @ 2008-04-16T13:55:00

2008-04-16T17:56:04Z

I got my dress!! (Last week) and it fits amazingly!! :D

It's really pretty...moreso than I thought in the picture!!

Yays!!

teckie4lyfe @ 2008-04-03T15:19:00

2008-04-03T19:22:05Z

and now the place that I ordered my wedding dress from isn't sure what's "going on". I was supposed to have it either today or tomorrow....

my heart is beating fast

I feel like I'm going to be sick

And I was having such a good day....

2008-04-03T19:00:48Z

I lifted weights, I wrote entries b/c it's my anniversary, I was feeling good.

And then the mail came.

...And I'm 90 dollars in the hole in the bank.

I thought I was doing so well, keeping up with my checkbook and everything. I write my receipts down all the time.
::sigh:: apparently not ALL the time. I missed a couple transactions, which put me 4 dollars UNDER a check that I wrote for rent. They paid the check, but they charged me 34.00 to do so. And I didn't know it. So I made other transactions on top of that, which each got 34.00 charges as well, b/c they covered it.

I ALSO found out that just to view your balance at a NON company ATM, they charge you 2 dollars. Then another 2 dollars when you SEE that balance and say "Ok yeah, I've got enough, lemme pull out 20 dollars." So pulling out 20 dollars turns into pulling out 24. There was also some other fee in there that I didn't understand but by that time I was through trying.

So now my 330.00 paycheck that will get deposited tonight will be only worth about 240.00.

And i wanted to do something nice for our anniversary. Or at least order something for the wedding. Like the little placecards with bells that are only 5.95 for a box of 50.

I feel like such a fucking failure. Everytime I think I'm doing pretty good with this fianances thing (which I SUCK at anyway), I get another crushing blow like this one. And the stupid fucking bank charges you for using the card as a debit, so I can't do that shit either.

Oh, and did I mention that Pattengill STILL has not paid me for the gig I did on the 15th of FEBRUARY?!?! And the other one I did on the like, 3rd of MARCH.

I checked the mail today thinking "Maybe I'll finally get that check today". Nope. Instead I got a notice that I was 90 FUCKING DOLLARS IN THE HOLE!!

I'm fucking done.
Life sucks, money sucks.
I'm done growing up. I'm going to start growing DOWN. Back to where I didn't have to worry about shit.

....and now I have to go to work. And help people who actually HAVE money, find what they want to buy.

two years!!

2008-04-03T16:35:36Z

Today is Lindsay and I's 2 year anniversary. :)

I can't believe it's already been two years!! It seems like it's gone by so fast.

Rascall Flatts "beautiful mess" is playing right now as I'm typing...how appropriate. :)

I love that girl so much. I'm so pleased to say that in 5 months I will be her wife. Maybe not in the eyes of the law...but whatever. I think it's amazing nonetheless. Perhaps even more, because we didn't just say "well it's not legal...so what's the point?" We're doing it anyway, because we love each other that much. And both of our families are going to attend, because they all support us, and view our love as just as valid as anyone elses. We are truly lucky to have found each other, and for each of us to come from such loving homes and upbringings.

I love you Lindsay Loo. :)
Happy 2 years! XD You're amazing.
xoxo
~me

Shake yourself off!!

2008-03-31T22:34:14Z

In no way do I think that this is as good as the piece Chris Michael wrote the other day...but I was quite surprised and pleased with what a simple trip to the dumpster turned into...

As she stepped out of the door of the apartment building called “home”, the door was almost ripped from her hand by a sudden gust of late march wind. The monochromatic day had been monotonous and predictable, and suddenly it had decided to unleash it’s pent up rage. She tugged at the leash of her faithful companion who balked at the whipping wind. They walked down the sidewalk and toward the parking lot as thunder slowly growled its warning. It seemed as if almost instantly the sky darkened, and raindrops slipped out of the air and onto her hair and face. The sharp coldness from the water sent goose bumps crawling across her arms and shoulders. She stopped and looked to the sky, pleased with what she knew was to come. The rain answered back with an outcry of thunder and threw more rain down at her. The wet droplets slipped over her smiling lips, and down off of her chin. It had been a very long winter with no thunderstorms, just cold blank snowfall that trapped people in their homes like hostages. Now the spring was beginning to break free and it was taking her with it.

It was only a few steps she was taking in this rain… she had only come outside to take the garbage to the dumpster, and yet it was the most freeing feeling she had experienced in a while. The storm was picking up. She could only imagine how foolish the people in the surrounding buildings thought she was, standing there in the rain with her dog and an empty pizza box. But it didn’t matter. She was letting this be an experience. She was allowing herself to feel.

Her glasses had so much moisture on them now that she could no longer see. She shook her head and began walking again. The two rain-soaked friends tip-toed around puddles forming on the pavement. She began to notice purple-red spots forming on the chest of her shirt--her freshly dyed hair stating its displeasure of this onslaught of precipitation. As they walked back towards the entrance of their home, she did not duck her head to try to avoid the raindrops. Instead, she held her head high and smiled boldly in the face of the storm. She welcomed it.

“Let the rain come, and wash away the monotony.” She whispered to herself.

A neighbor who was coming out as she was heading in held the door for her. He had his hood pulled up over his head and his sweater zipped tightly at his neck. As she passed though the open door she said “thank you” without meeting his glance. He nodded in response and trotted half heartedly to his car. The storm seemed worse when he walked in it. Maybe it was because he tried so hard to resist it. She shrugged off the thought and quickly took the four steps down to the front door of her apartment. Before walking in, her pet shook himself thoroughly from nose to tail, and then sauntered through the door. A sly grin slipped across her face. It seemed the perfect analogy to life…don’t try to resist the storms that come…they’re going to come anyway. However, don’t allow yourself to stand dripping wet after they’ve gone either. Dry yourself off and move on.

for lindsay

2008-03-28T03:07:41Z

I was driving on my way home from Target tonight, and this song came on the radio. I instantly thought of my sleeping beauty at home, and knew I had to post it for her before morning.

This is for you, my babyboo. :)
xoxo

"I CROSS MY HEART"
by George Strait

Or love is unconditional
we knew it from the start
I see it in your eyes
you can feel it from my heart
from here on after
we'll stay the way we are right now
and share all the love and laughter
that a lifetime will allow

I cross my heart
and promise to
give all i've got to give to make all your dreams come true
in all the world, you'll never find
a love as true than mine

you will always be the miracle
that makes my life complete
and as long as there's a breath in me
ill make yours just as sweet
as we look into the future
it's as far as we can see
so let's make each tomorrow
be the best that it can be

I cross my heart
and promise to
give all i've got to give to make all your dreams come true
in all the world, you'll never find
a love as true than mine

and if along the way
we find the day it starts to storm
you've got the promise of my love
to keep you warm

in all the world
you'll never find
a love as true as mine

a love as true as mine

Always...Hiliarious

2008-03-21T18:08:22Z

Many of you have probably already read this....but it's fricken hilarious...so i had to repost it....and X post it to my myspace...

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph... PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter....

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the 'curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills'. Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness -- actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always....

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Lindsay Loo

2008-03-18T13:45:41Z

For those of you who don't already know...

Lindsay is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She's courageous and caring, hard working and intelligent. She lights up every room she walks into...even if she IS blushing b/c she doesn't like attention. She doesn't often realize that most people adore her...because she's incredibly modest....and that's just adorable. She's is the true embodiment of "Speak softly and carry a big stick". She has dreams that she's working towards, and nothing can throw her off track from that...which is quite admirable.
She'll do just about anything if it'll make me smile....even allow the song that we dance to at the wedding to be country...although she claims to despise that music. :) She's even agreed to take a couple dance classes with me so we don't look like 7th graders at a 6pm-8pm junior high dance. LOL

When some people get excited, they jump around a lot or get loud. Lindsay gets even more quiet...doesn't say anything and nods her head in agreement to whatever it is you're talking about. Her eyes dart about and her lips tighten to try to keep the big grin off her face. Her movements become very sharp and staccato…which kind of reminds me of a squirrel now that I think about it.

She makes me laugh without trying very hard at all. She warms my heart and lifts my spirits. Even when we fight I take comfort in knowing that in the end, it will be alright. And we’ll both cry and say we’re sorry for hurting each other. Neither of us thinks that we’re good enough for the other, and we each think that we’re the lucky one for having the other at all. I’m still kind of in disbelief that she even said she’d marry me.

Sometimes when you’re young, you think that either asking someone, or saying yes to someone about marrying them is the weirdest idea ever. Being tied to just one person for the rest of your life? By choice? Not ever making a decision that only effects yourself, but instead effects someone else and their feelings too? It’s insane!

…true. It is insane….and what’s more insane is being completely and totally excited about the idea. It sends FLOCKS of butterflies through your stomach and makes your head spin. And all with a smile. And a feeling in your chest that could only be your heart growing…making room for the other person. And it will never be the same again. I can never imagine a morning when I wake up and Lindsay’s not there. Or a night where we go to bed without seeing or speaking to each other. I am COMPLETELY ok with the idea that whatever I do effects her, and that I have to think about that before I do something. That doesn’t mean we don’t have our own independence, it just means that I’m not just living for ME anymore. And that’s ok. It’s more than ok, it’s amazing. It almost gives me MORE meaning.

I can’t wait to have our wedding.

I can’t wait to have our house.

I can’t wait to have our kids.

I can’t wait to live our lives.

I love you Lindsay Loo.

xoxo

Me? Really??

2008-03-11T19:00:52Z

I just got told that I'm one of those "ones that got away"! I never thought that would be true for me! My life is complete! LOL!!

Damn...what a confidence booster!!

Completely out of the loop.........

2008-02-09T16:05:43Z

Um....
Mardi Gras was Tuesday?

Where the fuck was I?

What the hell folks!!!!!?!?!??!

weight loss

2008-02-08T19:56:10Z

After not really changing my diet, and still not exercising, I am down to 146.4!

...that's 40lbs for those of you who are keeping track!

teckie4lyfe @ 2008-02-06T13:20:00

2008-02-06T18:22:25Z

I'm sooooooooo bored!!

I don't have to work at Target today...I just have to drive up to Pattengill for a 5;30 gig that I don't even want to do.

I'm so tired of drowning financially...I can't even buy a fucking soda right now cuz I have no money.

...no, it's worse than no money...I have negative money.

I need a better motherfucking job. This completely blows.

I hate myself for letting things get this bad.

teckie4lyfe @ 2008-01-22T14:19:00

2008-01-22T19:51:01Z

I had a very large shock last night.

Lindsay was to spend the afternoon with her Dad, so they could bond. Great, fun, wonderful I was excited for her.

What actually happened was he told her that they had set aside $10,000 for her a year or so ago to help her buy a new car when it came time. However, when the wedding came up, the money was going to go to that instead. But then Lindsay's car broke down last week or so, and she had to put 300 dollars into it...and decided that she wanted to buy a new car. So they decided to tell her about the money.

Which means that if she wanted to use that money for a car, our wedding would be scaled down dramatically...as in not having at the banquet hall that we had reserved since last September, and cutting the guest list down to 50 people total.

Having the car and the financial help with it means that we'll have a reliable car for years to come...our dogs will be more comfortable in it, and our children will probably grow out of their car seats in it. AND because Lindsay is speding so much less out of her savings for it...it means that we will be able to have a house within the next few years.

Having the wedding instead of the car means one day/night of extreme awesomeness, and then if one of our cars breaks down...having no car...and having no house any time soon.

I had a mental breakdown. I've never had anything like this wedding offered to me like that in my life. And it was there and solid for six months or so...and then it was yanked out from under me. Lindsay said that they hadn't done anything yet because they were waiting for my "ok". Which was kind of crap because I didn't really have a choice.

No more coordinator to make sure everything is going to plan, and everyone is where they're supposed to be WHEN they're supposed to be there...
No more grand entrance into the reception hall...
No more satin chair covers with navy blue sashes...
No more outdoor courtyard for beautiful picture options...
No more open bar...
No more huge dancefloor...

Seriously my head was spinning. I was crying so hard that I was almost puking. My eyes are still puffy and red today, 12 hours after the fact.

But all isn't lost. Lindsay's parents are still going to pay $2,000 for our wedding, and they're going to host the entire thing at their house. They've offered to decorate the deck really nicely, and have the ceremony out there, and then the deck will turn into the dancefloor with the DJ (they have a really nice big deck), and it'll be catered inside, with people spread all over the house at tables. We're allowed to have confetti (which lindsay used as a card to get me to feel better...she knows I love confetti), and all of our vendors are still going to work with us, so all we've lost is the site...

...and some of my sanity for the moment...

My mind has gone into complete overdrive. I feel like I have almost zero time to plan this thing. We do get to decorate ourselves...which is a great added personal touch to the whole thing...but at the same time there's so much more to think about now that we didn't have to think about before.  It's like I've gone into stage manager mode...which is something I was trying really hard NOT to do, because I didn't want to micromanage my wedding. I wanted to be able to let go and enjoy the events as they unfolded. Now, no matter how hard I try, my brain will be telling me to try to control every last detail throughout the entire night.

For the cake cutting, we were going do the official first cut like most people do, and then the dinner buffet would start. While everyone was eating, the cake would be taken into the back and cut into serving slices, so that when everyone was done eating, the cake was ready to be served.

Will that happen so gracefully now? I don't know. These are the things we have to think about now because we don't have the people at Genoa Woods to think of all those things for us.

What if the DJ's car breaks down...and he can't get to the reception? The people at Genoa Woods would have remedied that situation without us ever even knowing something went wrong...but now, I just don't know.

I'm happy that we still get to have the wedding at all, and I'm endlessly greatful to her parents for all that they are doing for us, both with the car and with the wedding. I don't blame anyone...it's nothing anyone did out of spite or malice...it's just a lot to take in right now.   And I'm adjusting, and I'm enjoying coming up with ideas and things for the new reception and ceremony. On the flip side of that same coin, I'm frustrated and crushed because I already had all that figured OUT.

Her dad said that he can really see that she's happy with me, and that he's happy because of that. And that he wants to help us. I really respect him for what he's doing. He's a good guy. My emotions are just overloading my "logical thinking" brain right now.

Because of the fact that we have to cut the guest list back to 50 people, we'll be sending out probably just as many wedding "announcements". Which will explain that for financial reasons, we could not have all the people that we wanted in attendance. We want everyone who gets an announcement to know that we really wished that we could have them there, and that we thought of them on our big day. It really breaks my heart, but I'd rather do that then not send anything, and have people feel left out or snubbed because of it.

Her dad is even going to tell his mom, whom we suspected would not agree with our lifestyle and be uncomfortable because of it. He's going to tell her all about Lindsay and I, and he's going to invite her to the wedding. That's HUGE. I'm really excited for that. It's a big step for him, and it means SO much to Lindsay, to know that her dad isn't ashamed of her at all.

The two of them (Lindsay and her dad) really did have a great time yesterday. They talked about cars, and the wedding, and LIndsay and I, and she found out some things that she hadn't known before. I think she feels a lot better about her and her Dad's relationship. And that makes me feel better about the whole situation.

...for the moment anyway....

Sometimes I wish I didn't have emotions...then my logical thinking side would just take over and I'd be fine.

Shooooooooooes!

2008-01-16T19:23:09Z

And these are the wedding shoes that I want!
(It's not behind a cut, b/c they're just shoes guys...come on.)

Tomorrow I get to make the final payment on the dress!

2008-01-15T21:57:08Z

Ok, since I only got ONE response when I asked for people to vote about posting a picture of the wedding dress...(thank you Jordan!) and it was a "yes, so long as..." response...

I'm gonna do it!!

WARNING! WEDDING DRESS PICTURE BEHIND THE CUT.
IT IS NOT A PIC OF ME WEARING THE DRESS!

To show the dress, or not to show the dress....

2008-01-13T17:18:44Z

So I've gotten mixed responses on wether or not I should post pictures of the wedding dress I ordered.

If I post pics it will be the MODEL wearing the dress, NOT ME. Very few people will see me in the dress until the big day.

If I post pics they will be in LJ, behind an LJ cut so that people who want to see it can look, and those who don't can just not click the link.

I need votes...who thinks I should do it this way, and who thinks I should not. VOTE NOW!! (Comment)

Wedding dress!

2008-01-10T17:10:40Z

I ordered my wedding dress last night!!!! Half of it is paid for, and the other half will be paid for on the 16th...then it'll be shipped!!!!! I'm so frickin excited!!

I don't know if I should post pics of it or not...is that supposed to be something that you keep a secret? It's not like it's a picture of ME in the dress...it'd be the pic from the website...

Should I post pics?? ::excitedly bites lip::

There's hope for the world...

2008-01-07T16:23:54Z

So I've been told a lot by a lot of people that bisexuality isn't real. And that has irritated me. I've also been told that because I'm in a committed lesbian relationship, that I should just give up the "bi" title and say I'm a lesbian.

Which also irritates me.

But this morning the irritation lifted a little, as I went to my myspace and found a comment from one of the girls that always puts the bi's down. I was shocked the first time she did it because she's in law school, and is a huge gay rights activist...but it seems she has changed her mind;

"So I recently finished reading this book called "[p]omosexuals. Challenging assumptions of gender and sexuality." I found myself appauled at the fact that I had these biases toward the very people that I am fighting so vehemently to protect. You were right in your first statement to me and I have come to realize that. The book illustrated, ad nauseum, the fact that bisexuals are treated as third class citizens in the LGBTA community and that's not cool at all. I have come to accept the fact that a person is who they are and I no longer believe that all bis are on the fence and so wish washey that I can't trust them. It's the person that makes them trustworthy or not and not the fact that they identify as a bisexual. The very act of feeling comfortable enough with one's self to accept a category is wonderful enough. I would like to rescind all of the animus I threw your way regarding your identity and tell you that I am proud that you are able to accept yourself. You rock, lady, you really do :) "

That made everthing seem a little brighter today.
Thank you Michelle!! :)

teckie4lyfe @ 2008-01-02T14:23:00

2008-01-02T19:29:22Z

SO I got to start the new year off right!! I'm so excited!!
I got a lot of giftcards for christmas, some of which included old navy and things like that. So Lindsay and I went shopping for clothes the other day knowing that I need to get new stuff considering I've lost so much weight.

Allow me to preface this story by saying that around last year at this time, I was in a size 16, sometimes 18 depending on the brand and cut of the jeans. Anyway, we went in and Lindsay said "what do you think you are now, like a 14?" and I said "here's hoping". We gathered up some cute jeans and went to the fitting room.

They didn't fit....

I was swimming in them!!!!

So I busted back out onto the sales floor to pick up some size 12's. And they fit awesome. Some of them are a little loose around the waist...but with the "massive ass" issue that I have, a smaller size wouldn't have worked.

I haven't been a size 12 since like, 5th grade. IF that. I don't remember ever being so enthusiastic in a dressing room!! And I've gotten this far without exercise...but now I'm motivated to even do that. Lindsay bought a new exercise bike and a weight bench so we can do it right at home, in front of the tv! LOL!

So anyway, that's my excellent start of 2008. I had to share it...I've never been so excited to tell people my pants size!! LOL

teckie4lyfe @ 2007-12-20T11:02:00

2007-12-20T16:21:30Z

Well I had my interview with the Purple Rose theatre about an hour ago. And while my resume is extensive, my reference letters encouraging and my interview went well, I'm a little "over qualified". Which is fine I guess, that doesn't make me not eligible. But the fact that I'm getting married in September basically does. For now anyway. They're talking about bringing me on NEXT DECEMBER. Because they can't assure me that I'll be able to have the days off for my wedding, much less a day here and there within the next year to plan it. But by then I'll have my wedding over and done with. Which sucks I guess, because that kinda makes me tied up for the next TWO years b/c of the purple rose instead of just one.

I suppose it could happen that something else will come my way before then, making the apprenticeship at the Purple Rose not even necessary...but I don't know. I have mixed feelings right now. Part of me wants to cry because I was so excited about it...but another part of me is kind of relieved because I don't have to try to plan and execute a wedding as well as working 60-80 hours per week an hour away. So the woman at the Purple Rose is going to call me and give me the "for sures" on (or by) Monday, so until then I guess the two weeks notice I put in at Target is still in play. I'm not holding my breath though. They seemed really enthusiastic about having me as an apprentice...just not before the wedding.

When I was given the tour they showed me "Jeff Daniels' office" (which he wasn't in, b/c he's not there right now) and my heart about leaped out of my chest...what the hell is that about?? I'm not even that familiar with him or his work. I just know that he went to Central and he's a movie star. Before that moment I was really kinda casual feeling about the whole potentially working that close to him thing. Fame is kind of intimidating I guess, no matter how much you think it's not. Apparently "Mr. Daniels" sits in the booth sometimes with the stage manager/light board op/sound board op when he's there...talk about intimidation. I don't even like the director of a show to sit next to me during the run of a show much less the owner of the theatre, who also is the executive director, and um, oh yeah he's FAMOUS. No pressure, really.

I'm hoping to have lunch with my Lindsay today. I feel like I haven't seen her in about a week. And I'm feeling very numb and hazy right now because of the Purple Rose thing...I just need a hug from my girl. :X

teckie4lyfe @ 2007-11-30T14:04:00

2007-11-30T19:12:34Z

I guess I should do an update...considering it's been a really long time...

I've started working at Target, and I really really enjoy it. The money's not that great, and the hours are starting to get to me...but it's a corporation, so the hours are flexible once I talk to someone about it. Unlike Yorkshire where it was their way or the highway.

Target is a lot of fun. There's a lot more people to talk to and get to know, the team is really supportive of each other and the software for all the registers and portable data computers (little scanners that most target people run around with) are super user friendly. Most importantly, they know that target is not my life's goal..and they're ok with that. If I need days off in order to go do theatre work, they make my schedule work with that. It's so much more easy-going.

In other news, I had dinner with my ex a few weeks ago. ::gasp, shock:: I know. It was a really awesome time. I was totally excited to be face to face with her on a "we friends" level, instead of a "flirtatious, ok now we're dating" level. Which we had never had. Her girlfriend Katie was there, as was Lindsay. We all got along well. It was very, I don't know, smooth? LOL I really can't find a word to explain it. It was almost as if it happened every day. No big deal at all. And now we've talked and said how happy we were to have that time, and we welcome each other to the other's home state to visit and offered to be each other's tour guides. :)

It feels super good to put the past behind you.

My birthday is next sunday...I'm gonna be 25....that's fucked up.

10 Months till the wedding!!

Ok, no more rambling.

I quit!

2007-10-15T15:22:08Z

well, I did it. I quit that shitty ass job.

I was walking to work this morning, and as I was looking at 3 over full dumpsters that I knew I would have to clean up I thought to myself "why am I here? I could be working inside, where they understand if you have to take a day off. I might not be able to find something that makes me HAPPY right now... but I bet I could find something more satisfying than this."

I went into the office and signed in, got my things together and started the day. But I couldn't help fighting back tears everytime I tried to do something meaningful toward my job.

I snapped. I started bawling. I can't pick up other people's garbage anymore just to have more be back on the ground the next day. I can't break my back cleaning these apartments and hallways just to get told "you missed a spot". The only time I ever got thanked or felt appreciated was when Bev, my (also lesbian) supervisor said thank you. I couldn't even walk into the office without being almost flat out told that I should only be in there if I am signing in or out, or if I need the bathroom. Out of sight and working hard...that's how I should be.

Fuck that.

I can't work for a bitchy, thankless ass. And i can't tiptoe around co-workers keeping information to myself because we trust some of us more than others. And I CAN NOT keep picking up the slack for the other workers because no one else will tell them that they are screwing up. It's not fair. Especially for 8 dollars an hour.

Oh, and in the winter we were supposed to help with snow removal "when needed." well, being that there is only ONE maintenance person, that probably would have been everyday. I didn't sign up for that shit.

I'm free. That's all I can say. I don't have to worry about what all the other residents are doing anymore. Eventually my mind will stop saying "who is that? did they pick up after their dog? why is the dumpster full AGAIN?" It never shut off while I was working in the same place I was living. I was almost always in "work mode" in some way. It got to me. A LOT.

Now it's time to start looking for another job again. I've started calling around already this morning. Lowes isn't hiring. Neither is Pet Supplies Plus. But that's alright. I'll find something. Almost anything is better than what I just got out of. I've never been so depressed in a job IN MY LIFE.