| Current mood: |  melancholy |
I had a very large shock last night.
Lindsay was to spend the afternoon with her Dad, so they could bond. Great, fun, wonderful I was excited for her.
What actually happened was he told her that they had set aside $10,000 for her a year or so ago to help her buy a new car when it came time. However, when the wedding came up, the money was going to go to that instead. But then Lindsay's car broke down last week or so, and she had to put 300 dollars into it...and decided that she wanted to buy a new car. So they decided to tell her about the money.
Which means that if she wanted to use that money for a car, our wedding would be scaled down dramatically...as in not having at the banquet hall that we had reserved since last September, and cutting the guest list down to 50 people total.
Having the car and the financial help with it means that we'll have a reliable car for years to come...our dogs will be more comfortable in it, and our children will probably grow out of their car seats in it. AND because Lindsay is speding so much less out of her savings for it...it means that we will be able to have a house within the next few years.
Having the wedding instead of the car means one day/night of extreme awesomeness, and then if one of our cars breaks down...having no car...and having no house any time soon.
I had a mental breakdown. I've never had anything like this wedding offered to me like that in my life. And it was there and solid for six months or so...and then it was yanked out from under me. Lindsay said that they hadn't done anything yet because they were waiting for my "ok". Which was kind of crap because I didn't really have a choice.
No more coordinator to make sure everything is going to plan, and everyone is where they're supposed to be WHEN they're supposed to be there...
No more grand entrance into the reception hall...
No more satin chair covers with navy blue sashes...
No more outdoor courtyard for beautiful picture options...
No more open bar...
No more huge dancefloor...
Seriously my head was spinning. I was crying so hard that I was almost puking. My eyes are still puffy and red today, 12 hours after the fact.
But all isn't lost. Lindsay's parents are still going to pay $2,000 for our wedding, and they're going to host the entire thing at their house. They've offered to decorate the deck really nicely, and have the ceremony out there, and then the deck will turn into the dancefloor with the DJ (they have a really nice big deck), and it'll be catered inside, with people spread all over the house at tables. We're allowed to have confetti (which lindsay used as a card to get me to feel better...she knows I love confetti), and all of our vendors are still going to work with us, so all we've lost is the site...
...and some of my sanity for the moment...
My mind has gone into complete overdrive. I feel like I have almost zero time to plan this thing. We do get to decorate ourselves...which is a great added personal touch to the whole thing...but at the same time there's so much more to think about now that we didn't have to think about before. It's like I've gone into stage manager mode...which is something I was trying really hard NOT to do, because I didn't want to micromanage my wedding. I wanted to be able to let go and enjoy the events as they unfolded. Now, no matter how hard I try, my brain will be telling me to try to control every last detail throughout the entire night.
For the cake cutting, we were going do the official first cut like most people do, and then the dinner buffet would start. While everyone was eating, the cake would be taken into the back and cut into serving slices, so that when everyone was done eating, the cake was ready to be served.
Will that happen so gracefully now? I don't know. These are the things we have to think about now because we don't have the people at Genoa Woods to think of all those things for us.
What if the DJ's car breaks down...and he can't get to the reception? The people at Genoa Woods would have remedied that situation without us ever even knowing something went wrong...but now, I just don't know.
I'm happy that we still get to have the wedding at all, and I'm endlessly greatful to her parents for all that they are doing for us, both with the car and with the wedding. I don't blame anyone...it's nothing anyone did out of spite or malice...it's just a lot to take in right now. And I'm adjusting, and I'm enjoying coming up with ideas and things for the new reception and ceremony. On the flip side of that same coin, I'm frustrated and crushed because I already had all that figured OUT.
Her dad said that he can really see that she's happy with me, and that he's happy because of that. And that he wants to help us. I really respect him for what he's doing. He's a good guy. My emotions are just overloading my "logical thinking" brain right now.
Because of the fact that we have to cut the guest list back to 50 people, we'll be sending out probably just as many wedding "announcements". Which will explain that for financial reasons, we could not have all the people that we wanted in attendance. We want everyone who gets an announcement to know that we really wished that we could have them there, and that we thought of them on our big day. It really breaks my heart, but I'd rather do that then not send anything, and have people feel left out or snubbed because of it.
Her dad is even going to tell his mom, whom we suspected would not agree with our lifestyle and be uncomfortable because of it. He's going to tell her all about Lindsay and I, and he's going to invite her to the wedding. That's HUGE. I'm really excited for that. It's a big step for him, and it means SO much to Lindsay, to know that her dad isn't ashamed of her at all.
The two of them (Lindsay and her dad) really did have a great time yesterday. They talked about cars, and the wedding, and LIndsay and I, and she found out some things that she hadn't known before. I think she feels a lot better about her and her Dad's relationship. And that makes me feel better about the whole situation.
...for the moment anyway....
Sometimes I wish I didn't have emotions...then my logical thinking side would just take over and I'd be fine.
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teckie4lyfe) wrote,
